jimmy crack corn and i don't care

loooonnggg agooo

2005-02-21T13:08:00.000-08:00

was the last time i blogged therfore i shall now blog again. about what i dont know so i guess i could ramble on like i usually do but today i feel kinda frisky so maybe ill do something else but what exactly i will figure out later for now i beleive i will surf the internet for fun ideas and report to you later maybe in my future bloggs iill be more prepared oh well

blogging? what the hell is that?

2005-01-21T08:46:00.000-08:00

for all that dont know me my name is jim. and that be that and those be these. and to snoop, you can drop it like its hot or you can drop it like its cold- freezing cold like justins heart. adn by the way can anyone please explain to me the inhumane treatment slugs get when they are be-enemied by when humans come across them. please let the gods be with me and the day long today for all that shines shall glimmer in the sky and for the masses they shall bow down to me and i shall say" much love for all the crazy nick jacksons in the world and to my jester justin dudstinker- just show me your moms tities and i shall show you mi verga grande. good day to all and to all good drinking.

....friday

2005-01-20T11:25:00.000-08:00

i get up and go to work at 1100 and get off at four or so. well im hung over and me and paige had celebrated my birthday the night before so i was tired. if you know what i mean. adn all i wanted was a nap. iknew we would be out late and i knew i would be drunk as hell. but they wanted to get started at six. im like no, i need to rest. well after kiersten takes really long shopping and larry has to stay late at work and so on. we get to parkway at 800 and my sister and neil and his friend lance and his girl amanda are ther waiting on us. i got an hour of sleep in so im ready to get my drink on. so it commences. some beer, then a starry night(jagerand goldshlager), then a shot with jack, jim, and onther whiskey, a shot of crown, then a patron, and with the other beers ima feeling a bit tipsy, then we go to play pool but loose my sister, neil, lance and amanda. which leaves paigeand i and kierstenand larry playing pool. more beer, a kamikazee, crown, crown, a huge fishbowl of rum and coke gone in five seconds, crown, and crown, along with lots of beer. im DRuNK. then we four go to maximus your friendly gentlemens bar. another beer, a shot of liquor(to drunk to taste it), and another beer, and its two thiry and we gotta leave. WAIT!!! we gotta go and all of a sudden theres three full beers in front of me and im thirsty. two in one hand and on in the other and down the two go in doublebarrel shotgun style. but the other one is left behind and we leave. everyones drunk, except paige, so she drives but not before i loose the last gallon of liquor and some of my burger in the parking lot of maximus. i always end up puking there. so then its eitehr taco bell or ihop. three out of four of us want coffee. so larry gets mad.m just as we pull into ihop, larry jumps out of the car and takes off. its fucking cold outside so no one bothers ot get him, and we eventually go inside. then an hour later i decided enough is enough. i try to go get him an all we do is walk further away from ihop. hes drunk as shit and wont listen and im cold cause i didnt grab my jacket and its like 20 degrees outside. well he takes off and i go back to ihop and try to explain that larry walking home to iowa park from ihop on the highway its about a twenty mile hike. in the cold. we go drive around looking for him and dont spot him then i go call the county jail adn they aint got him so we go back to ihop and talk to the police and leave a describption of him and they said theyd look for him. kiersten takes me to her house so i can wait by the phone and then her and paige leve to look again. i cook some pizza bite thingys adn the phone rings. its larry. so i leave to go get him and come back and pass out. kiersten and paige get back an hour later and all is well. it was a crazy, yet awesomely great night. and no one went to jail but we did get to know a new friend, officer ramirez. fun adventures times for me and all to read

happy me birthday weeks

2005-01-20T11:07:00.000-08:00

well my birthday was thursday and so i decided that when i saw paige on wednesday id see if she wanted to go out with me and so i did. then on thursday i went to work ok. no biggy. started at 1100 in the morning and got off at about330. well my good friend larry was bartending until 500 so i thought id sit and wait a couple of hours and have some beer. well everyone knew it was my birthday so chano, another cook working with me bought me a shot. he said " the strongest shot we got" so the fourhorsemen pulls up. well me and the fourhorseman are getting to be really good buddies lately that is until i had one before our christmas party when the other bartender messed up and read the order wrong and made two fourhorsemen. she knew it was for me and nicely gave me both in a glass. the shit looked tlike a drink not a shot. anyways i felt damn good after that. but back to the story at hand. the fourhorsemand is a shot with a shot of rumpleminze, a shot of 151, a shot a goldshlager, and a shot a jager. four in one killer shot. yeeeaaahhh! i ask for my beer, i get the shot, i take the shot, and then larry says you got one coming on the house cause its your birthday, so i says make it crown. mmmmm tasty. so now im feeling goodand i drink my beer and then about thirty minutes later my ex comes in to parkway and is gonna have some food and eventually walks up to me and asks to take a shot with her. who the hell says no to that. so we get a "pissed off japenese warrior" whatever that is all she says is that it has six liquors in it and it tastes like lemonade. shwlip , bam im ready for another shot. well larry about to get off and then we gotta go get his kid and then go home i guess. so i order my patron and get ready to leave. thankfully i already gave larry my keys afteer the crown cause i was drunk and it was only five. damn . well we go to his inlaws to get ashton ad then me and larry hang out for a while and he remembers hes gotta get something from wal mart. i go with him and pass out on the way to walmart and wake and i dont know where the hell were at. but oh well . then later that night we go to kiersten and larrys and watch the village. boooo sucks. and then paige says that she will go out with me and all is great and dandy on my birthday. hoorah. but then the party is tomorrow night. friday night and anything can happen on friday.....

happy birthday to me

2005-01-18T18:44:00.000-08:00

yes this will be short but i promise to blog tomorrow as it is my day off and i can tell all the great stories of the past week since ive been celebrating for five days straight all the while working and having fun with my new girlfriend paige so be ready for it and try i know it will be hard but try to get some sleep and yes police are involved oh shit my blog will be awesome good day
p.s thank you freddie for killing my hopes that there were more than justin reading my blog :(

and now.... the rest of the story

2005-01-12T02:55:00.000-08:00

lets see... missing dog, new friends, odd couple, and brain at work. mix in some shots of jager, a couple of strong ass margaritas, lots of beer, and a line of baby powder, and we finish the night starting at around 1100 and look theres still at least five hours to go. HOORAY. ok then somewhere around 1150 everyone and i mean theres alot of freaks there because john has this band and they are straight up death metal. you know screaming, hard drums and guitatar lines out the ass and your heart just pounds with excitement while your head pounds with pain. crazy people. well it is customary as i find out later to take a sip of the cheap champagneas it is passed around this group of thirty or so middle aged fuckers and then it gets to me. all i remember hearing is dont tell him to chug it, cause he fucking will man FUCKING CHUG IT DAMNIT ok half a bottle of champagne later... stop! save some for the rest of us!. and then there is like four hands on the bottle, which is still upside from my mouth. all this after i made out with my favorite mate in all the world, my right hand. so much laghter for me i felt like bubba again. with freddie. and then back to more jager shots. some dude has one. some dude has two. some other dude has five. im already not driving so (as described to me later by larry) bubba has seven. tipical bubba yet no one there knows the powere of bubba. back to beer the only thing i can remember until i hear someone say "theres no more jager" i yell loudly "TEQUIIIIIILLLLAAAA" my mistake. all ther is for tequila is mezcal. for those not mexican it is cheap ass tequila with the worm in it. not and i repeat not bubbas favorite mexican drink. a shot of it and im a running to the door and out in the lawn puking well not puking really cause i hadnt eaten anything all day. so some liquidy substance comes up for a while: on video. and then the photographer, john says smile and i say how about i fucking moon you man. so now my ass is on video... again and i look up and see my favorite buddy of all time when im starting to feel lonely, the roof. ok now i gotta describe this to you. their house's front porch area is shaped like a rectangle ok. about five or six feet from the wall is a tree stump. tori's brother is out there .i just finished puking and mooning so im super hyper and i say " i fucking bet you i can get on the roof, man. five hundred dollars" all the while im looking at the tree stump and the roof and judging it inmy head. hes says" your on bitch" so we shake hands so now i know i got to get on the roof cause i aint got 500 dollars and keirstentells me hes crazy and will take me to court over this and its on video. shit! so i take a few steps back , jog to the stump and jump on it and stop and say to myself " man, i need a couple of fucking red bulls to be able to fly this far. shit im screwed" so then i try it. one.... two.. three.... four.. five.. six. seven. jump..... no good! i miss and scratch the fuck out of my arm. i calmly say " i got this shit bitches" and i look as though ima try again. only instead of jumping on the stump i run around the side of the house with laughter in my ears fading away and as i get around to the side there is a god standing there. in the form of a ladder. whose got the last laugh now fuckers! next thing i know im on the roof with every one there even the little kids already in their bedrooms asleep outside watching me on the roof and pointing. hoofuckingray for my happy rich ass. iconquered the feat only to hear tori screaming at me to get down or shes calling the cops. adn john (part owner) with video in hand laughing his ass off. well like the nice boy i am i get down and kiersten say we gotta go. im like why? she says " my moms pissed off and i dont want to be here" so quickly i get away from her and go apologize to tori and she seems cool with it except my dumb ass got on the roof barefooted and now my toe is bleeding profusly, but i dont know about it and the attention turns from being angry at me to seven grown women saying " oooh we gotta stop the bleeding " ill get this, you get that , and blah blag blah, blah blah. i say " its only a flesh wound, put on a band aid and party on!" then the next thing i remember is jamming out with john, and ray and ron and larry lead screaming vocals whil a joint is passed around. and then waking up at kiersten and larrys some four hours later saying to myself " im fucking hungover and i gotta fucking work and find a band aid for my toe and shit its gonna be a long fucking five hours today.
so moral of the story... um in a similar situation make sure your get all of your shit before you leave the party so you can develop the film still left in your camera at kierstens moms house so you can share with the world of your great top ten adventures of all time.
and thats the rest of the story.
go pampers!

the night that was... SOLID GOLD, NIKKAS!!

2005-01-11T12:24:00.000-08:00

and it starts like this:
730. arival- no beer just liquor to be found on the stove when we arrive to tori's and john's palace of drunken parties thats kierstens parents for all that dont know
745. the hunt- tori realizes her dog is gone, cant be found we start the looking sober
845. more guests-after an hour of looking for the dog i give up and head to the beer store,luckily two houses down. i get back and there are other guests arriving while john and larry are still looking for the dog.
915. the first toast- with me, kiersten, larry, tori, john, amanda?, steve, toris sister and brother in law, two of the band members we toast to the lost dog
917. another one of johns band mate shows up with dog in hand hooray hooray what a toast.
918. let the festivities begin- from here the times get lostso ill try to go in order of how i remember it...
...me and kiersten play this cranium game with amanda? and steve they are an odd couple but interesting conversation they work with tori. conversation goes like this
Bubba: hoo ha fun great shenanigans Blaj blah blip
Kiersten: what??
Amanda?: strange look on her face
Steve: your funny man i like you your cool you need to meet my son you remind me of him of course your what 22 and hes like almost forty yeah im old but i can still drink
Amanda?: yeah and just so you know im married and 24 but not to steve and then they look at each other
<>
fun times there at the table and thats gonna do it for todayand the rest will come later seeing that i gotta put my truck back togetherand keep you in suspense this was just up until about 1100 so check in real soon for the rest peace out mans and gals if there are anyreadding

to infinity and beyond... eh?

2005-01-07T11:19:00.000-08:00

well what s new with you. i hope all you little bastards are enjoying ya selves. finally seen anchorman on dvd was great. sorry dudley it took so long. but ive been shampooing my hair for the last seven months and its felt wonderful. i have a new woman i want to date. however she has to leave her boyfriend first and then itll be good. secondly my new hang out buds are a family of three and i make four. kiersten and larry and ashton are just too much fun. new years eve. dun dun dun. fun times. no really it was more like having sex. it was great. ill have to tell you about it later cause i gotta go to work and i gotta do some laundry but definetely check back in a couple of days to read it out

what would brian boytano do?

2004-12-13T15:41:00.000-08:00

ok we shall start wednesday
wednesday: go to work. yeah yeah the same ol boring stuff. then all of a sudden out of nowhere it happens my life changes. are you ready for this because it could possibly be the greatest story of any man or beast know to man. ill wait a sec so you can get your popcorn. . . . . . . . . . . . . ok then maybe a soda too. . . . . . . . ya ready know ok so im just hanging out at work get ready to leave in about three hours. then i decide to maybe have a beer when i get off from work around ten thirty or so because i got a lot on my mind. i mean i got this interview for a job at the prison the next day at 745 am. yeah fucking early but its some serious cash and killer state benefits and my teeth need some cleaning. so i decide not to have a beer. well lo and behold my good friends kiersten and larry come in at like eight thirty and start drinking. they said they wanted to get drunk and have a good time tonight cause they hadnt in a long time. then they say the inevitable "join us!" im like "weeellll you know i hate turning down beer drinking with friends, but i have this interview tomorrow morning so i need to go to bed" so they fucking peer pressure me into it and say things like im a pussy and i dont like them and i hurt their feelings. damn they are too good at this. so i decide to have one beer, not a big thirty four ounce beer but a little weeny twelve ounce one so they arent disappointed with me. well then they say i got to take some shots with them because my replacement friend doesnt want too. so with the beer in me i agree. biggest mistake ever. i wanted to be at home in bed at 1130 or so and now its fucking two thirty in the morning and i have to be up for this interview in four hours. SHIT!!! what to do? oh now i know. GO HOME. sounds good in theory but ya know thats no fun. but i gotta get up really really early now so i go home to iowa park a good twenty minutes away from where im at now ok so i got four hours to rest and sober up. good i can do this ive done it before. so i head out i get about eight miles down the road and relize ive been drinking and i got to piss terribly. i can hold it, NOT! so i turn off of 367 on the way home and turn down a small farm road called horshoe lake road. and pull over and get out and releive myself. god damn it felt so good but its cold outside and i dont have my jacket, but the stars are gorgeous and i wished freddie could see them with me. so i like start tearing up because it feels so damn good. i get back in my truck and do the worst thing ever, since im drunk. i floor it. i hit it hard man and try to do a u-eee it the small ass road and end up in the ditch. damn, gotta back up. wait a tic, im fucking stuck in the mud! oh shit now what do i do. try to get out of course. after ten minutes i give up cause i dont want to mess up my truck. now what. lets see im stuck in the mudd on the side of the road and no one will drive by because the road doesnt get any traffic in the middle of the day so it sure as shit isnt going to at three in the mornig. no cell phone. im drunk. six miles from iowa park. and i sure as hell aint going to go knock on someones door cause i dont wanna get shot being drunk and out in the country. so i decide to hoof it. yup its cold and i aint got a jacket so it really sucks. i get a mile down the road and i hear barking and not just barking i hear the sound of toenails digging into gravel at quite an alarming rate. " theres a fucking dog chasing me. FUCKING RUN!!!!" holy shit i was scared i thank god for not allowing that dog to catch my fat mexican ass but i know it wanst gonna get me cause i was fucking hauling balls man and drunk at that and i didnt want some hundred pound half doberman half wolf tearing into my flesh cause no one woulda heard it. so now im scared and paranoid at the darkness for what it might hold for me next but luckily nothing else happens in my four and a half mile journey to my moms house, where i wake up my sister to help pull me out of the mud. its now five a clock in the morning. im at home. took a shower gonna go to bed. wake up in an hour and a half and do this interview. . . . . . . BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ, click. . . . i wake up and its now 815 in the morning. no interview no new king money job. all cause i got drunk. decided to have a beer. oh well it aint gonna stop me. and ever since then ive cant quit drinking. i got a beer with me at all times and last night i got off work at like four pm and hung out at prkway and drank beer all night till i couldnt talk any more and now im very happy. very very happy so good day to you and i hope you enjoyed the story cause thats the end.

just like any other day until....

2004-12-08T09:03:00.000-08:00

so hello all my many followers and beleivers of the blog. just bored, killing some time and then all of a sudden it happens your life changes forever and all you can think about is, wow, like five minutes ago my world was all great and this had to happen to me what did i do to deserve this enormous catastrophe that undoubtedly will make my life completely different in every way and just compicate the hell out of me but i ll love every moment of it. has this ever happened to you? because it never has me, and i ll just sit there and think about what could happen if something like this did occur. how would i handle it. maybe one day it will but right now it doesnt look like it will so ill just sit here being bored thinking about the next persons life i should change just because i can whose day can i bring great happiness to or who can i make just despise me or i can blog and talk about all the wonders of the world that dont make sense and just confuse the hell out of anyone that reads my blog like maybe justin or the russian or if freddies really really bored he might take a gander wow im publiching my own little article in a worldwide newspaper for like four or five people how cool is that
so i guess a top ten list of the wonders of the world:
10: how in the world did that guy survive on mcdonalds food for a whole month cause i had some yesterday and it just fucked up my intestines and now i got some cool liquipoo
9: how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop maybe i should find out cause we give them away with meals where i work which is cooler than shit if you ask me
8: who the hell invented the roller ball ink pen
7: of course there will always be the leaning tower of pisa in a wonders of the world list
6: why did walt disney decide on a mouse why not a squirrel or a bear or a scorpion for that matter nooo its a fucking desease infested mouse
5: what do the f1 through f12 buttons really do
4: why cant i be smarter
3: where do traditions really come from
2: how come it is that all good things must come to an end and where did that cliche come from
1: just how big can the internet get before it collapses and everything is lost

pretty crappy list but im bored of being bored so ima find somthing to do to keep from rambling on about nothing which i think is all i do anymore so good day to all and most importantly me because i gotta work tonight so peace all

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FREDDIE

2004-12-03T09:57:00.000-08:00

yeah its a couple of days late but you cant blame me you need to blame santa and your mam and dad your bday is to close to christmas like mine all i think about is eggnog and wrapping paper and those gorgeous ms. clause outfits on porn stars well ive had no fun this week ive worked two double shifts at work and been terribly sick since after the two 14 hr days i got a life thre3atening cold luckily i had two days off to attempt to bring my white blood cells back to the numbers they used to be at and sleep all day long and feel very much like shit all the while not getting anything done on my incredibly long list of year end things i have to do except be lazy oh well today is a new day and i only took some robitussin yep thats all ive backed off my drug list to help me cope with the misery ive been enduring and yes i know i cant spell well but i dont care im having fun venting my sickness and it feel great to be out of bed if only it was warm outside id be happy but i always got that picture of ms clause to get me through so with that its time to drop some of my little soldiers out into this world so good day to you and i hope to see you soon fred so we can go bar hopping together until there is no more beer to be sold to use stay healthy

its f'in cold for this mexican

2004-11-29T09:16:00.000-08:00

so i hope you had a good thanksgiving i did freddie was awesome as always and he will be missed again its like youre fuckin teasing me man and i got to hang out with my bud from htown jesses the manslashynot so manly man if you know what i mean this shit gonna be hard to read so fuck you cause im stoned and my fingers are lazy and to freddie i was gonna ask you something about jamie before you left but i didnt anyways and i got to see spongebob squarepantalones in theatres yeah instead of watching something worthwile and cool to see like i watch spongebob oh well and yesterday i worked like straight up thirteen hours at work and tomorrow im gonna do the same $$$ and all i want for christmas is my freddiekins back to love on so have a blast in the cold and good day to all

the reason

2004-11-23T08:33:00.000-08:00

if only you knew
then maybe you too
could be a jew
like meeeeeee
wake up internet friends its a great day and i feel it will be full of surprises and fun well it better anyways or ill kick the days ass into a million peices like a jar full of candy i figured me tombstone shall read " he lived, he died, now here he lies, still waiting for a good day to come when he shall rule the world again, gotta love science" or maybe "look out above cause im a kick you ass if you step on me" oh whatever i aint gonna die im a live for at least forever cause im so cool or something similar to it like dorkiness or a crayola forever! oh yeah and if you this blog entirely through and through and print it out and read it daily you too will live forever withme like two turtles sittin near the sewer talking to our frog friends in a never ending bs contest where i will eventually win with my superior lying capabilities and all that hear me ramble my untrue words shall sooner or later become... dun dun duuunnnnnn..... deaf and bored like i am now but youre still reading cause your laughing your ass of at my rambling ons of eternal human life and all that shall be when we are turtles and frogs after all whose to know the correct way to go through life and live forever and tell all the stories and and all the fables one learns as time passes on good day to you and read this again

finally got shit figured out

2004-11-23T06:32:00.000-08:00

well for the longest time ive been unable to post a blog as it turns out my browser set up on this new computer is all fubared but its cool now
so what have i been up to work and had a girlfriend and then wwe broke up last week and now im single and accepting applications for my new exgirlfriend and whatever and getting ready for the chrismas cheer and all that hooplai really cant think of any good stories at the moment but im know that if freddie will be here this week there will be a few to tell so with all that i guess hello great blogging world again and ill see you soon

gotta love 56k

2004-08-02T11:02:00.000-07:00

jesus it took me ten min to get this far after signing on damn my wasted life anyways i woke up this morning and had a rootbeer float mmm tasty and thought about yesterday i relized how godly i must be since i watched three episodes of beavis and butthead and played monopoly by myself last night after i watched two same sportcenters and a baseball tonight so how about that nomar garciaparra trade eh? dandy he goes from one cursed team to another just only this place is windy and has shrubbery for a fence i was enjoying the rootbeer float until i thought i needed to excersice my right to do whatever i want today until i go to work at 4 so i decided to do nothing at all well maybe one more cig wont put me to aut of shape i guess well since freds gone and i aint got no phone #s to call people to hang out wiht i find myself bored and sleeping alot alot imean alot 12 here14 there love summertime too hot to do anything else and no friends that live the same schedule i do what else is there but kicking my ass at monopoly i think im gonna make a new hybrid monopoly game consisting of stock market #s and such to see how great of a player i am and like play the same game for a week until one of me loses yeah i played three hours last night but it was three because i didnt know what else to do with my stoned ass but eat food and play monopoly oh well life as my only friend cant be so bad eh?duds haha yeah just call me sometime and we too can play monopoly together so you dont go crazy wout fred i read a bunck of blogs this morning and it got me to thinking what if... there were no more cookies in the cookie jar would i slap my mom or threten to leave her house...i got bit by a black widow, would i die since no one is around me.. the dream i had last night where my grandpas tire went flat on his tractor and he replaced it with a street tire for some wierd reason well i pondered and thought and watched the same rerun of sportscenter again then i came over here to my grandmas house and me granpas is doing what?! changing a tire on his tractor!!! he went to town to get a new oneso ill tell you guys later what he got i met these really nice yet strange people yesterday when i left work they told me to swing by thier place tomorrow at noon or midnight and they all four were dressed the same a blue shirt and jeans with flip flops i dont know they might be in a cult and ive always wanted to be in a cult of mimes so i think ill attend tomorrow well i gotta go do nothing now so ill talk to you later and by the way fred im gonna give you a call as soon as i get off the computer peace out yall maybe ill have joined a cult when we next speek

when i can means when i feel as though i should

2004-07-30T00:11:00.000-07:00

to many i have been away from the computer for a while to me ive been learning what it takes to work again. 5 hrs of work equals 12 hours of sleep or more and now my nights and days are off completely so to hell with the sun like it matters anyway cause its rained for like the last week wich it never does in this part of texas in july and now my truck smells like mildew from the windows being down all the time. i dont have many good stories t tell right now cause my memory is fading fast from alcohol and funny cigarettes and all the sleep.im enjoying reading this stuff everyone else puts in but i forgot it already something like in a car from the mccrearies and the war room sushi feast or something so on with the work i got eight days straight but its ok im going to plan a trip to austin in the near future because i know ill miss fred and his sweet ass and great hamburger making skills so out for now and all of next week i guess

yep

2004-07-10T03:23:00.000-07:00

well its like 530 eh? and ive been up all night at freds and we drank some beer he passed out and now he has no idea what time hes supposed to be at work at and none of the alarm clocks are set and his schedule is nowhere to be found im not even tired and all fred can mummer is 7 i think anyway im cleaning beer and shit just bored trying to find his sched but no luck anyway my shed for work worked out luckily so i can play some ball sunday i got a baseball game at 330p and a soccer game at9p with work in the morning so im happy dont know what to do with fred should i let him sleep till he gets up or should i be a caring friend like the dud and help him get to work on time im not tired so i guess ill just try to find it.

we were sitting around talking about the party on sat the 3rd and i got to thinking about the last time i got naked from drinking and it is a great story so i thought id share
i play coed softball with a group of friends and after the games we go out to the oyster bar to drink some beer and eat some food and talk about shit. well i got this great idea to buy some cheap canadian whiskey called like shitty canada or something its like 9 dollars for like a liter of it so i get it and take it with us to the oyster bar since they dont sell liquor but allow you to bring it in. for some reason or another- no wait- my dad and his girlfriend at the time wanted me to meet this girl sherry(dads gf now wife) works with well i dont give a fuck any way so i proceed to get lit. the three of them show up about the time-no after the time i start to forget shit and stay and drink a bit with us. from here on out im just gonna say what others have told me but this is how it goes: nikki(the girl to meet, soon to be my exgf) leaves cause she has to go home. my dad and sherry stay and drink with us(thank god). i drink like two pitchers of beer and three very large glasses of bubbas mixed whiskey and coke(about 70whiskey-30 coke):) and well we start to leave i didnt get any food just the beer so i owe like 12 bucks for the pitchers. my drunk ass throws down a fifty and leaves. i go outside to the parking lot with my dad and sherry and fall down next to my truck while letting my dad in the passenger side. well they ask if im alright or something and i say give me a min well ten min later my dad(drunker than hell himself from the whiskey) picks me up and says to give him the keys and puts me in the passenger side. me and passenger side have a bad history together when im fucked up, i always puke, if i drive its cool though. any way we start oout on the highway (i live like twenty min out from town) and about thirty sec later im pukin out the side of the truck head and arms dangling in the wind. well next thing i know is my dad saying the truck wont start and thats when for some reason i relize were out of gas cause i was gonna stop to get some on the way home after the oyster bar. anyways its at this intersection at an overpass and behind is on the intersection is two not one but two gas stations and were on the side of the road with sherry in their car behind me and my dad so then i look up to see where were at and i see about seven cop cars-HOLY SHIT! me and my dads going to jail. well my dad starts talking to the police and shit and one of the officers tells me to get out of the truck only i cant find my own hadle so the cop opens it unexpectedly for me and i just fall out an plop to the ground then my dad says to the officers" be careful man hes RETARDED!" oh my god then they help me to the embankement of the overpass at the intersection and say hey your pants are unzipped. i just look at them as if they just said hoozitjimblowersnaplershithsn. they my genious father says again " hes retarded" i get it figured out finally and about that time the police say we can leave HOLY SHIT WERE OFF THE FUCKING HOOK so sherry takes me and my dad to my moms house so i can get cleaned up andafter getting in the car with my dad and sherrry as we leave the scene up great story telling the next thing i remember is waking up in my sisters bed couse she stayed the night with some friends- butt assed naked. well i ask my mom what happened cause it seemed like a dream to me and she say the stuff ive already told you and then she says that once i got there i went and took a shower butwhen i got done i couldnt find a towel so i walked around the house looking for one naked and wet until i gave up and found a bed wow that was a great night.

well anyway on with my rambling i think i better try to figure out whats what with fred and try to get him to work or something i guess so get on with your lazy ass

hoo ray for hump day

2004-07-07T16:47:00.000-07:00

since im single on hump day and im off from work i decided to sleep all day and watch baseball god i love texas. Chris's blog pretty good and im going to watch more baseball now and wait till freddie awakes from his last graveyard shift. so now im out to enjoy a very boring day in the neighborhood.

since the original didnt go through

2004-07-05T18:15:00.000-07:00

i woke up sun morning at 640 am in a bench swing at freddies house with a hangover and a naked body. odd to some a great night to me. highlights of the night: walking barefoot a mile and a half to a gravel road to get fred a rock, in my toga and boxers- my feet still hurt, driving my bike into lake simmons, naked; eating food from the food fight that i found in the war room on the floor; chasing a fire truck in my truck while i was drunk; making a badass drinking game that i played by myself to help me get started at like 500 and i was very drunk when anyones else showed up; puking at 1000, but because i hadnt eaten in two days i didnt puke anything; grabbing chriss balls his naked balls and i guess just wallerring around naked for about an hour before i passed out. tons of fun guys and gals if you didnt come to it the f you cause you didnt have as much fun as we did.

god invented hangovers

2004-07-04T10:37:00.000-07:00

how in the hell i ended up in freddies swing bench by the grill naked like a baby, i cant remember. i do remember waking up in that swing around 640 and saying to myself "wow im fucking naked, i hope freds dad aint home yet" thanks dudley for the rec. but i need one for a hangover bcause god must think its a good punishment to give drinking alcohol too heavily.any who the water melon i just ate was excellent and is helping alot. my feet hurt from walking a mile and a half down the road in my toga and boxers barefooted so now my feet are a sliced up on the bottom. well we got a fucking lot of cleaning to do so i tell more stories of the jc memorial war room shinding later. happy independence day go watch the movie its cool to see will smith kick some alien ass.

anything can happen on friday

2004-07-02T22:14:00.000-07:00

thats the truth ie: freddie gets 300 dollar check instead of expected 500 something check which really sucks to the party.keg of beer goes purchasing goes off rather wierdly. work was slow for a friday and my pants are soaked. dudley you are going to read this and i just want to tell you how much i long to nibble on your moms tender breasts and how much i would love to have you in the next room while your mom screams with passion as i slide my big mexican cock(which you lust for so much) in her wet vagina. then when we get done ill come out of the room to hear you crying in the hall because you couldnt believe that your mom would fuck the man and penis you have long for so long. and kellen will just laugh hysterically at this cause he knows too that you love the cock! so kellen please just laugh and laugh and laugh all day long at the dudsmucker and all his eye shadow and tender lips with pink rose lipstick. hey dudley when you finally get that sex change operation and im really, really, really drunk maybe then and only then you can have my cock. peace out yall and good night.

the days of july are hot

2004-07-02T10:32:00.000-07:00

it is now july and its frickin hot outside. but i started my new job yesertday so it takes me out of the heat most of the day. any who with the new job and me wanting to impress the boss i took on an extra shift for today wich means we had to change the toga party to sat. its ok though cause freddie will be able to make sat olot easier not much funny has happened just a lot of cleaning and preping for the party so i got to get back to helping out my job today is to go get keg-o-beer, the greatest errand of all so well talk later.

hoo-ray for the chipmunks

2004-06-30T19:53:00.000-07:00

well its been a while cause of shitty comp. and just to much fun lately. i now have a job starting monday i hope i can make it in time though but oh well ill find an alarm clock i guess. and props to kellen for the links to my blog and yatta yatta bitches have big tits and yes no hell yes. if any wants to hear my side of the story of the lake and cow concert by dudley f you cause i dont want to type it shut up. looking forward to the party this weekend the toga party! yea and shit id would like to share with you the fact that i will get drunk and puke fri if you want to know. and i still like to laugh at dudley for the bobcat shit. maybe youll learn your lesson and not hit dirt clods and rocks with the 9 iron.and on a personal note i think dudley loves the cock or he wouldnt have been looking at our (freddie and i) boxers. thanks underpants gnomes for not visiting me for a while.in fourth grade i got stuck in a sewer lake and found a dead person in it i think. and i got shot with a bb gun a very high powered bb gun and skared out of my mind. and if your wondering im an english major. toga party! bye junk diggers

and thern there were 5

2004-06-27T22:25:00.000-07:00

once upon a time in a far far place where no one could see it. it had much fun. no worries no poo to have come out and most importantly no one to talk to but itself. then it became holy. for itself. like when madonna had her first born and then she too changed. something like that because ac was not bought but fans were the purchase of the day many thanks to the wallet of dudley and for the ice cream cone as well with the two scoops of vanilla.now is the time to end all the violence and sing with me "oh, canada, we love the for the crown, oh canada we love the way it sounds. in the morning with the birds and the bears. WE LOVE THEE" thank you and good night

the firstbut not middle or last

2004-06-27T15:49:00.000-07:00

not much to say other than im really tired from driving to oklahoma to the sooner land and attending a lame party with the fred and john with shitty oakie beer and christian dorks. oh and showing up to my two soccer games only to have to forfeit them cause no one else showed. gotta go buy an ac for the party room see ya